<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>she blinks and i'm lost, lost, lost by Phoenix_Allura (Artemis_Autumn_Marie)</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22378861">she blinks and i'm lost, lost, lost</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis_Autumn_Marie/pseuds/Phoenix_Allura'>Phoenix_Allura (Artemis_Autumn_Marie)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Nix's Whumptober 2019 [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Baby Acquisition, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Isolation, M/M, Raids, Whumptober, Whumptober 2019, it's a whole lot of comfort, kind of</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 15:27:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,954</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22378861</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis_Autumn_Marie/pseuds/Phoenix_Allura</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Whumptober Day 12: "Don't move."<br/>Finn and Poe, along with their crew, are meant to be on a normal recruiting mission.<br/>Too bad things went bad long before they got there.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Poe Dameron/Finn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Nix's Whumptober 2019 [12]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1507226</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>54</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>she blinks and i'm lost, lost, lost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Don’t move.” Finn hissed at Poe as he pulled him back. If they moved at all, they were dead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How they’d gotten here he wasn’t sure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’d been a routine stop-and-rescue mission, no interference needed, until the ‘troopers showed up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then it had been a problem.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were raiding houses, killing the elderly, killing parents defending their children and then taking the children.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(Finn had been one of those children, once.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll go into that house, get everyone out, and run. We don’t have weapons, Poe, we can’t fight them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then use the Force!” Poe glared at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not how the Force works! I don’t like it any more than you do, but we save as many as we can, and we get out. It’ll make a difference to them.” He whispered, unthinking, “It would have made a difference to my family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Finn.” Now Poe looked sad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go.” Finn counted out the timing by tapping Poe’s back, and they moved. They made it into the house, only to find it already empty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t move, traitor.” Finn turned, slowly, hoping that Poe had already left. Of course, this was a trap. “I’m taking you to the next house with me. My commander can decide what to do with you.” As he was marched out, phaser to his head but not cuffed, Finn saw Poe hiding in a bedroom and shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Don’t move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finn was taken into the next house, where there was a young man and an older woman lying on the floor, bleeding from the head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Check the rest of the house. I found a girl in the back bedroom.” Keeping the phaser to his head, the ‘trooper pushed Finn to the back bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a window, save for the body it was empty. It was a large room, three closets and an attached ‘fresher.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one would come looking for the ‘trooper for a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finn could escape. He could take one ‘trooper, even unarmed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So that’s what he did. Elbow to the side, fists down onto the head. Finn took the phaser, knocked out his knees, shot him in the side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d be down for a while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finn figured the woman had to have been hiding something in the room as she was by the biggest closet and not the window. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t have to check it, he could just leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But what if she’d been protecting a child?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or children?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finn sighed to himself. He’d better go check, or he’d be left wondering if he’d condemn a child to be raised a ‘trooper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opened the closet slowly, in case it creaked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Inside, there were two children: A little girl, maybe four, and a baby. The eldest had her sibling cradled in her arms, rocking softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mama said not to move. Don’t move, baby, and don’t cry. Someone will come get you. But Mama’s gone, and Mami and Daddy too.” She was reassuring herself, he realized.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey. Do you want to come with me? I can get you out of here.” The little girl nodded and handed him the baby.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s Mrs. Passe’s daughter’s baby, and we were watching her, because Mrs. Passe and her daughter were taken.” She explained, softly. “She hasn’t had a Mama and Mami for three days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you reach the window?” Finn asked her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Mama told me how to get out.” Finn knew that she wasn’t crying now only because her mother had told her not to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he dead?” She pointed at the ‘trooper on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I just knocked him out so he couldn’t find you before me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They killed my mama.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, they did, but they won’t hurt you, okay?” Finn had no idea how to do this. Thankfully, Poe was right outside, and he much better with children.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s your name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mari. The baby doesn’t have a name, cause she’s only ten days old. Mama says her mama didn’t get a chance to name her.” Finn still held the baby, cradled softly in his arms. They had to leave, and soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The stormtroopers are leaving,” Poe told Finn quietly. “We have to get back to Falcon.” Finn nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mari broke halfway to base, crying and wailing. Rose and Poe did their best to comfort her while Rey and Finn tried to figure out how to take care of a baby.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She seems to like you, Finn.” Rey murmured. The baby was hardly awake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s ten days old, Rey, and hardly knew her mother’s face. She’ll like anyone who will care for her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re holding her wrong. Here.” General Organa, who had been in the cockpit, hurried to show him how to hold the baby. “What’s your name, little one?” Just as quickly, she turned to Mari.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mari Ariam, daughter of Elie, granddaughter of Maira.” She’d stopped wailing, eyes wide, but tears still streamed down her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How old are you, Mari?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Six.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did a good job, hiding the baby and yourself as your mama told you. Elie Irami, I believe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know my mama?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do. I worked with your grandmother and now I work with your aunt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Auntie Liana?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, dear. You can see her soon.” Mari seemed contented to talk with General Organa; she wasn’t fine, and she wouldn’t be, but she’d be with family and safe soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hopefully that would be enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll need to find a family for her soon.” Poe had come over, giving the baby his fingers to play with. “Leia has adoption contacts.” Finn looked at the girl his arms and wondered who she would grow into.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They would have killed her.” He said quietly, too low for Mari to hear. “It’s almost certain. They only take babes when there are a few dozen of them available at once. Mari, they would have taken and reconditioned immediately. It’s what they did to the other children in the village.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They can’t have gotten them all.” Finn nodded, suddenly exhausted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They did. They’re very thorough. I was sent on a few missions like that as a cadet. We were trained in searching for everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stars, Finn.” Was all Poe said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can’t save everyone,” Rey said softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but we saved these two.” He wasn’t going to tell them about the vids the First Order had, the ones of these raids, that they’d show. Many of his platoon members had been in them, screaming, crying children clinging to their parents’ bodies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(He didn’t want to know what it meant that he had never been spotted in one. That his platoon had whispered in the night stories of their remembered parents and that he had no stories to tell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How young had he been?)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finn.” The general’s voice was soft. “You’re off duty for a few days. The baby is clearly attached to you, and Mari needs a face other than her aunt that she trusts. We’ll need to find that baby a home, soon.” A smile crossed her face, soft.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it, Leia?” Poe asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll get to hold a naming ceremony for her. She’ll be twelve days old while in your care. Twelve days is the typical naming day in her culture. Mari may be able to tell you a little, but Liana will be your best resource.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you know some good names.” Rey looked at Poe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He named me, didn’t he?” Based on look Rey gave him, she hadn’t known that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they arrived at base, a young woman was waiting for them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Liana Irami. Where’s Mari?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Auntie!” Mari, who had stopped crying but still had tear streaks and red eyes, threw herself at her aunt. She picked her up and nodded at the baby in Finn’s arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s Nani Tomi’s daughter, granddaughter of Rayan. If you needed name ideas.” She turned on her heel then, heading back into the base. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll explain later.” The general promised. “Take the baby to the medbay. She’ll need a full checkup.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later that day, when the baby was asleep, Finn feeling odd without her, the general sat them down to explain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Children take on the first name of their grandmothers, backward, as an identifying last name. They also have a familial name, but on-world they don’t use them.” That certainly made more sense. “I suppose it won’t matter to you; even if you name her, she’ll be placed with a family shortly. She’s a sweet little thing.” Finn exchanged a glance with Poe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Poe what names do you know?” Finn asked as they walked back to the medbay. The baby couldn’t be kept there at all times, so they were going to keep her in their room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Poe said he knew how to take care of babies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Emika, Shara… we can find some naming sites later, Finn. Let’s grab the baby for now and see if we can get a feel for her personality before making the huge decision of naming her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Over the next two days, before her naming ceremony--which Liana was kind enough to help him plan, even in her grief--Finn carried the baby around everywhere. Poe had trainings to run and ships to work on, but he helped where he could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finn had a feeling he was too attached. He’d gotten excited about baby names, about what they could name this little girl, who blinked up at him sleepily with gorgeous dark eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, of course, everything had to go wrong.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finn was holding the baby, as always, whispering her names to her. They’d gone with Tomi Emika for her first name, and Raya Mari for her middle name. She was sucking her fingers, watching like she always did, as Finn told her her last name: Nayar. She didn’t have a family last name yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finn!” Jess called, sprinting in. “We have to leave, now. The First Order found the base.” Finn tucked the baby-Tomi-into the sleeve he normally kept her in, tight against his chest, and ran.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was too late.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later, they’d find out there’d been a spy, and that the spy had been angered to see the traitor being treated so well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was what had kicked this all off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Finn didn't know that then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All he knew was that he had a baby to keep safe, a helpless little girl completely dependent on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he ran, and he hid in a closet when he couldn't get to a ship, humming softly to keep Tomi from crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After about a day he felt it was safe enough to leave the closet; he was hungry and tired and Tomi had cried herself into a fitful sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It hurt in ways Finn couldn't explain to watch her cry, face all scrunched up, in hunger and from the headache he was sure it gave her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He headed straight for his and Poe's room, glad that the baby stuff was all still there. Some of Poe's stuff was too, so Finn fed Tomi and settled her down for a nap before taking a quick shower and pulling on one of Poe's shirts and his own pants. He slept for about half an hour before Tomi was awake again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Poe will be back soon, sweetie, he'll come get us." Finn bounced Tomi gently. He was still hungry, but at least now he was clean and alert.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do you want to go visit the mess? Maybe we'll find something interesting there." And hope the troopers didn't come back before they could get back into a hiding spot. Finn kept talking to Tomi as they walked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gathered as much food as he could from the mess; he could store it in their hiding spot with blankets and Tomi’s supplies.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Given the amount of food he had found, they could stay here for a few weeks before running out, if he couldn’t manage to contact anyone before then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tomi was fussy again, so he headed back to their room. He'd take care of her then head to the command room and see if he could send anything out. He changed Tomi and fed her again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want to go see if we can call Poe and the general, Tomi? Won’t that be fun?” He spoke to her quietly and resolved to learn her homeworld’s language; she deserved to know the words her mother would have spoken to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is Finn.” He paused, unsure of how to go on. “I have supplies to last for some time for the two of us, but rescue, if available, is needed.” He waited, maybe for a response that he wasn’t sure he was going to get.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He spent the next three days studying T'malu (it was lucky he'd always been good with languages), taking care of Tomi, sending out signals, and waiting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he heard a ship's engine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe a small freighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His first instinct was to go and check, but he didn’t know if it was friend or foe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Don’t move, was his next instinct.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, he bundled Tomi up and headed into the spot that he’d coded for in his messages. It was stocked, so they’d be fine if it turned out to be stormtroopers looking over the base.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unless they’d decoded his messages, but he didn’t think they had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The code he used with Poe was very hard to crack, and he knew what to look for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He waited, humming softly to get Tomi to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finn? Finn, are you in here?” Poe was here, speaking softly. Finn blinked; he must have fallen asleep. Tomi was tucked securely into her sling on his chest, still sleeping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re in here,” Finn responded just as softly. The door opened and Poe helped him to stand, kissing him lightly as so to not disturb Tomi. “We’ll be taking as much of this as we can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Food, blankets, clothes, Tomi’s things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We have an hour before I’m expected to check in from either this base or the ship. Let’s gather everything and go.” Together they got all of Finn's stash into the ship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How's Tomi been?" Poe asked as they settled into the ship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, only as fussy as you would expect a baby to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Give me a minute and I can take her. I can set it to autopilot after we get into lightspeed. You look exhausted, Finn.” Finn nodded and sat down. He hadn’t had any decent sleep since the ‘troopers had raided the base. He watched as Poe fluidly moved through the takeoff, lightspeed, and autopilot initiations.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get you to bed, Finn.” Poe carefully took Tomi out of the sling, and Finn’s hands went to his chest immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He missed her warmth and her fussing already.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can get you out of that sling soon, hon. Is that one of my shirts?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Smells like you,” Finn mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright.” Finn followed Poe back to the single room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll watch Tomi, so you just sleep.” Poe sat on the bed next to him, holding Tomi, until he fell asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finn, I’ve got to start landing procedures. Tomi’s tucked in next to you, in a low box I found.” Finn didn’t properly wake up until Poe had gone back up to the cockpit. He checked that Tomi was sleeping and splashed water on his face before swaddling Tomi tightly and picking her up in his arms, cradling her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Up already?” Poe smiled when Finn leaned down to kiss him. “We’re close. I’ve got our room all picked out, but before you go back to sleep, Leia wants to see you. I think it’s about Tomi.” Poe landed the ship easily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll get the bags, go and see what Leia has to say.” Finn was greeted by everyone as he passed, and the general was waiting at the end of the line.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s good to see you and the baby safe.” General Organa smiled at him. “I never got a chance to find out; what did you name her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tomi Emika Raya Mari Nayar. She doesn’t have a family last name yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a lovely name, if long. I’m sure her new family will agree to keep it.” Finn felt his face shutter off. He’d known this was coming and he still got attached.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Finn, there’s always the option to keep her. You could raise her on base, and maybe send her to Poe’s father, if you need to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to talk to Poe about raising her,” Finn said. “Just because I’ve fallen in love with her over the past few days and am ready to care for her doesn’t mean Poe is or wants to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Talk to him, then. I’ll show you to your room, and Finn? Call me Leia.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you-” She just smiled softly at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Finn! Leia.” Poe kissed him and then hugged Leia. “All our stuff’s moved in, don’t worry about that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll leave you two to talk.” Leia closed the door behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Poe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Finn?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to keep Tomi. I… I want to raise her.” Poe smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I figured you would say that. You know this is going to be a challenge, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harder than keeping a baby happy on no sleep for three days? I’ll have you, and our friends, and Leia suggested sending her to Kes if it gets too unsafe for a baby here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’d love to help raise his granddaughter.” Poe grinned. “There’s a lot we have to do yet--adoption paperwork, maybe move rooms, but we’ll figure it out, Finn. We’ll figure it out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As a family,” Finn added. “Thank you, Poe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tomi just gurgled happily between them, like she agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finn liked to think, even years later, that she had.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everyone!<br/>So, it's been a while! I've started school again, along with bowling and work, and I can tell you for sure that I've been working on this fic for two weeks at least.<br/>Tell me what you thought! Comments and kudos are always appreciated.<br/>As always,<br/>Nix</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>